Various studies over the years have shown that divorce rates peak at key periods such as couples and families returning home from summer holidays which can put a strain on relationships.

However, on reflection, many divorcees wish they had taken more time to think things through before making the break in haste.   

Others regret missing tell-tale signs of an impending split such as a spouse’s increased working hours, spending less time together along with reduced conversation and intimacy.     

Before taking the plunge, we urge those in this quandary to consider the following:

Filing for divorce is one of the most difficult life-changing decisions in a person’s lifetime and one which many spouses are understandably reticent to embark upon.

1. Ask yourself why you want a divorce? Has your relationship irretrievably broken down – and is your decision based on emotion or logic? Most importantly, do you still love your partner? If the answer is yes and you feel your marriage is worth salvaging, consider counselling
2. Think through how terminating your relationship will impact on your children whose interests should always come first. It is well known that divorce can damage children’s long-term well-being.
3. Talk to close friends or relatives who will enable you to step back and give you some perspective on the situation
4. Work through how your financial situation would change as fear of starting all over again can leave many people in a state of paralysis. This is particularly applicable to spouses who have not had to deal with financial practicalities such as tax, standing orders and direct debits. Would you have sufficient income, where would you live – and how would that work for your children’s domestic, schooling and holiday arrangements? Gathering the necessary documentation to understand your finances can help both of you to think practically about what might be achievable before appointing a family lawyer.
5. Who would be your support network? Which of your friends and family would help with children’s school runs, sports activities, and holidays?
6. Looking at your work and career, would your employer be supportive if you divorced and required extra time off if the children were unwell or needed taking to appointments etc.? Also, if you are the spouse who is currently not working and are thinking about divorce, it’s worthwhile to consider returning to some kind form of employment for financial independence and to boost your confidence and self-appreciation. 

If after considering these points you decide that divorce is the only way forward, ensure you appoint an experienced family lawyer.

We highly recommend they are a member of Resolution – a community of family lawyers and other professionals committed to dealing with relationship breakdown issues in a constructive and non-confrontational manner. 

As part of our holistic approach, Jones Myers, a long-standing member of Resolution, advises and guides our clients through the stages of divorce. This includes alternative processes which avoid going to court. Our post- divorce support includes helping them to stay on the right financial track.

For advice on divorce or family law related issues, call us at Leeds on 0113 246 0055, Harrogate on 01423 276104, or York on 01904 202550. Visit jm2023.jonesmyers.co.uk, email info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet @helpwithdivorce

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Unfortunately, not everyone has a close, reliable network of family and friends to help them, which may mean that professional counselling and/or an experienced family lawyer with a holistic approach are needed.

Such specialists are only too aware that there is more to many divorces than the financial side of things – and usually more to consider than the division of assets. They also understand the emotional toll a split brings and the many feelings it can generate.

At Jones Myers we will suggest support – whether from an objective, sympathetic family member, friend or an accredited counsellor or relationship coach – if we feel it will help families to cope with a marriage break and ensure that the children are put first and retain healthy relationships with both mum and dad.

The benefits of counselling include reducing stress and legal costs by helping couples to avoid conflict and courtroom battles when resolving often sensitive issues, such as children, money and who remains in the family home.

Collaborative lawyers can also signpost separating couples to alternative methods to litigation such as mediation, arbitration and collaboration. Each is designed to make the process as quick and painless as possible, lessening costs and emotional expenditure for increased wellbeing.

With divorce being acknowledged as one of the most stressful life experiences, it is very important that you look after yourself  so that you are best-equipped to cope and move on.

Ensure that you get enough sleep, eat well and do not rely on alcohol to help get through it. Exercise is also important, for both a physical and psychological lift, while staying socially active is key to ward off isolation and depression.

You might also see if alternative therapies – e.g. massage, acupuncture or osteopathy – can ease tension and iron out niggling aches and pains.

In the same way as Drew Barrymore was advised to ‘put one foot in front of the other’ – advice she described as “physically productive and life-choice productive” – it is vital to nurture your physical and mental well-being as you map out the next stage of your life’s journey.

If you have any comments, queries or concerns on wider divorce related issues, leave a comment below, call the Jones Myers team on 0113 246 0055 or tweet us on @helpwithdivorce.

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With marriage breakups in Ireland on the increase, the government is considering making counselling and mediation mandatory for divorcing couples in proposed reforms of Ireland’s family law system.

The Irish Independent reports that Justice Minister Frances Fitzgerald is now looking at the ambitious reforms, which were the brainchild of her predecessor Alan Shatter – a former family law solicitor.

Mr Shatter started his review following claims that Ireland’s district and circuit courts were struggling to cope with escalating family and divorce cases in a country where divorces have increased by 150% in a decade.

The mandatory counselling element of the proposal is aimed at reducing stress and high legal costs by helping couples to avoid conflict – and court room confrontation – when resolving sensitive issues such as children, finances and who stays in the family home.

However, some Irish family lawyers are concerned that the reforms may never make it off the starting block due to the Irish government’s packed legislative schedule ahead of general election due by 2016.

West Cork family lawyer Helen Collins says: “We need a sea-change in terms of separation and divorce. We need to move away from the adversarial model and support our families in a different way when they set about separation or divorce.”

It will be interesting to see if these far reaching reforms make it to the statute book – and if they do, what will the impact be on both divorcing couples and the Irish court system?

At Jones Myers, we welcome any initiative to reduce stress in relationship breakdowns, and certainly any moves away from an adversarial approach to resolving issues wherever possible. We often advise our clients to consider counselling to assist them in coping with the emotional fall-out of separation. Whether this can realistically be compulsory (or even is necessary) for all separating couples needs careful consideration. Certainly, in order to be effective, sufficient resources must be committed to any such programme to give it a chance of having the desired effect.

Do you think mandatory counselling could work for divorcing couples? Please share your views by leaving a comment below, drop us an e-mail or tweet us @helpwithdivorce

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