With longer lives and longer health, vigour and mobility, it is unsurprising that separation and divorce rates among seniors are rising too.

Long suppressed little irritations and tensions, that might have niggled for many years, but whose impact may have been lessened by the demands of children and busy lives, could achieve greater importance once the nest is empty or people start winding down to a life after work.

It might be that one or both partners only stayed in the marriage until the children had flown and now wants out. Or, quite simply, with people living fuller lives longer, a husband or wife may simply meet somebody else they want to spend their remaining days with. With this in mind, unprecedented use of social media among the silver surfers might connect them with their long-lost first loves. See our earlier blog.

Our recent blogs have also discussed the importance of giving any split careful consideration and consulting mediation services and of not delaying when you are sure there is no hope of reconciliation, but what specific considerations should older people take on board when divorcing?

Firstly, think about your new living arrangements. At a time of life when comfort and ease might be most important, it is likely that your housing will be reduced from what you are used to, e.g. a small apartment after a large house and garden.

Any maintenance agreed might seem adequate or even generous at the time, but do bear in mind that this will have to be readjusted to your ex’s reduced pension income or if they suffer a financial loss through redundancy.

With this in mind, you will need independent financial advice to ensure that the division of retirement income is fair – including pension lump sums and ongoing receipts. Similarly, other savings and investments are likely to mature over the next few years, so all financial holdings should be examined keenly to guarantee equitable shares for both parties when they come to fruition.

Other policies, such as healthcare, insurance and death benefits must also be listed and understood before the divorce is completed, as they might have to be cancelled, cashed in or reorganised.

Do not forget court costs and professional fees, which should be factored in to your existing financial landscape.

Shared possessions and household contents and effects can become a battleground in any divorce. However, when a couple has been long-married, individual items might assume a greater sentimentality, which could generate greater conflict and bitterness. As with, any other split, it really does make sense to try to sit down and decide who has what, sensibly and without hysterics – even if it does come down to a ‘You can have that if I can have this’ negotiation.

Do not forget that, as in any divorce, you will have to think how you to break the news to any children. They may be adults, but will still probably find it something of a shock and upset, so sensitive communication is important. The need for this will be even more pronounced if there are grandchildren.

Divorce can be hard on anybody, even when quick and amicable, and it is often a thoroughly bruising experience that delivers significant life changes. As such, seniors who split must take special care to minimise these downsides as they will feel them more keenly than other age groups, no matter how young at heart or adventurous they feel.

If you have any comments, queries or concerns on divorce related issues, leave a comment below, call the team at Jones Myers on 0113 246 0055 or tweet us on @helpwithdivorce

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Britain now has the joint highest divorce rate in the European Union. There are 2.8 divorces per 1,000 people in the UK, compared with an average of 1.8 divorces for every 1,000 people across the EU.

Many people are affected by divorce at some point in their life – whether as divorcees themselves or through seeing parents, siblings, children and friends split up. It can be a daunting experience, and should not be entered into without proper planning or an appreciation of the repercussions for everyone involved.

While every couple’s circumstances are different, below are some key issues to consider:

Q. I’ve been considering a divorce for some time – what should I do?

A. Think carefully about why you want a divorce, and about the practical and emotional consequences of no longer being with your spouse. Ask yourself the following questions:

• Are you being reasonable?
• What do you envisage the outcome being for yourself and everyone else involved?
• What are the likely downsides – not just for you, but for any children?

Having reflected on the above, discuss your feelings with your partner. Depending on your circumstances, you might want to explore if the situation is retrievable. Other ways to resolve marital issues include marriage guidance, mediation and family law arbitration.

Bear in mind that it is now compulsory for anyone planning to divorce to attend a mediation information and assessment meeting (called a MIAM) before applying to take disputes over children or finances – including property and pensions – to court. Mediation can be an effective way of resolving disputes without involving the court. It entails an independent third party, a mediator, who helps both sides come to an agreement. It is a highly effective method which can result in a swift resolution and save on legal expenses.

Q. I’ve decided to go ahead with a divorce – what are the next steps?

A. Instruct a solicitor who is experienced in family law and a member of Resolution, an organisation of family lawyers and other professionals who believe in a constructive, non-confrontational approach to family law matters.

Try to ensure the divorce is amicable as squabbling ramps up legal fees, increases the pain of any split – and can fuel a lingering bitterness for both partners.

Q. How are assets and financial arrangements settled in a divorce?

A. The settling of financial matters on divorce is called financial remedies. The law in this area is very flexible to enable courts to achieve fairness depending on the individual circumstances of each case.

Because the court has a wide discretion in applying the law, it is better to avoid the uncertainty of a court hearing. With help from family lawyers like ourselves, most people are able to agree how their finances should be split without having to go to court. This can help minimise both the emotional and financial stress of relationship breakdown as well as helping to minimise cost.

The starting point must always be disclosure of each person’s personal and business assets to ensure that everything is included in the ‘pot’ to be shared. Financial arrangements can be settled through a ‘clean break’, which ends the financial obligations between the couple if this is appropriate. Some form of maintenance payments may, however, be more suitable. These can be ongoing or for a fixed period of time. For more information see our website

Q. What happens if children are involved?

A. When you separate from each other, you will both continue to be parents. Therefore, it is important to make sure that the process of unravelling your marriage or relationship doesn’t stop you being able to co-operate on what is best for your children. A constructive approach through the divorce or separation will lay the best foundations for the children to feel settled with the new family relationships.

You know your children and so you will be best able to consider the effects of your break-up on them and together devise the most suitable living arrangements. Negotiation is important, as agreements reached together are more likely to work in the long term and be respected by the wider family.

If you can’t agree on the arrangements, you can ask the court to decide the matter. See our website for more details on children, contact and residence disputes.

Q. How do I deal with the emotional fallout?

A.  Divorce is one of the most stressful events in our adult lives and the breakdown of a marriage invariably leaves those involved emotionally and physically drained. Good lawyers will be empathetic, but their role is to secure the best outcome for you. It is a advisable to build up a support network of family and friends to see you through the challenging times ahead. There are likewise support organisations and counsellors who are experts in helping you through the process.

If you have any comments, queries or concerns on divorce related issues, leave a comment below, call the team at Jones Myers on 0113 246 0055 or tweet us on @helpwithdivorce

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In the ‘Christmas Stress Factor’ poll commissioned by Resolution only one in two people (51 percent) said they would consider options other than court if they were to divorce a partner, despite the fact that non-court solutions may save on time, money and anguish.

Resolution, a group of over 6,500 family lawyers and professionals in England and Wales, including Jones Myers, announced the poll findings as part of Family Dispute Resolution Week. The organisation promotes a non-confrontational, constructive approach to resolving family disputes, including mediation, collaboration and arbitration, rather than litigation through the courts, or the risky “DIY Divorce” option.

We have written about the alternatives to court on our blog before, however as part of our ‘back to basics’ campaign – and in the light of these latest figures from Resolution – here is a reminder of  the five methods of divorcing.

Mediation

At Jones Myers LLP we are committed to using dispute resolution to minimise the stress and costs associated with relationship breakdown. Divorce mediation offers a highly effective way for both parties to discuss, agree and resolve issues. An impartial, experienced mediator will help the couple come to an agreement on all aspects of their divorce. This approach avoids both parties taking a confrontational stance in a public court which could impact on any children involved in the divorce proceedings. Mediation also gives the couple control over their divorce as they are making the important decisions.

Collaborative Divorce

Jones Myers LLP is committed and experienced in this approach which provides a smooth and civilised process for couples to achieve an amicable separation. In a collaborative divorce both parties, together with their lawyers, are involved in negotiations through face-to-face meetings. When appropriate, additional professional advisers, such as accountants and counsellors can also be brought in to the discussions.

Family Arbitration

If during the course of the previous two methods of dispute resolutions discrete issues become contentious, couples can use arbitration to resolve the problem quickly and efficiently, without recourse to the courts. Arbitrators act as ‘informal judges’ and because they are in private practice are more readily available and prepared to sit outside conventional court times. Arbitration is also cheaper because it is not subject to as many delays as the court process. As one of more than 40 specially trained family lawyers appointed as arbitrators in the UK, I am proud to be at the frontline of a ground breaking development in family law.

Litigation

When compared to the dispute resolution process, recourse to a lengthy, public, adversarial and expensive court action has little to recommend it. Couples will find a judge who knows very little about them and their family will make the final decisions – on children, property, money, and ultimately how each party will live their life going forward. There is surely no better argument than this for collaborative family law when it comes to matters of divorce.

Do-It-Yourself

Couples who believe the DIY option will be cheaper, quicker and problem-free because they avoid a court process are mistaken as they often spell disaster. The unnecessary trauma of court proceedings can be avoided through seeking the advice of an experience collaborative family lawyer and will protect a couple from making the potentially costly and irreversible mistakes associated with DIY divorce.

If you’re looking to resolve relationship challenges in a civilised manner, speak to one of our team  – you can call us at Jones Myers LLP on 0113 246 0055, comment below or drop us an e-mail. You can now follow us on Twitter @helpwithdivorce

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