Sir James was ruling in the Court of Appeal in London on a case where two sisters aged 14 and 16 had refused to see their father for six years. He said that there would be ‘no winners’ if the divorced parents didn’t use tough love to ensure that the girls rebuilt a relationship with their dad.

Without knowing the full details I can’t comment on this particular case, but I can’t help thinking that his esteemed lordship is over simplifying the issue.

Being a teenager can be hard: they have to deal with raging hormones, spots, exams and visits to boring relatives. However, being a child of separated or divorced parents can be even tougher. In fact, scientists from Stockholm University claim that teens whose parents are divorced are more likely to suffer headaches, loss of appetite and sleep problems.

As experienced family lawyers we would always advise our clients to put their children at the heart of their divorce. We’ll suggest support such as counselling or family therapy if we feel it will help families to cope with a marriage breakdown and ensure that children retain relationships with both mum and dad.

Divorce is up there with death as a major cause of anxiety and heartbreak. With the demise of legal aid for most family matters not every separating parent will have the support of expert legal advisers and family professionals. As we have said before in this blog, it is the most vulnerable who have been thrown into the wilderness with the axing of public funds for most divorces.

Separating parents who have to represent themselves in court, and who may be lurching from one decision to another without knowing the consequences or benefits, will be struggling to cope. Throw in a stroppy teenager and you have a potent mix for both confrontation and rising stress levels. It’s hardly any wonder that many newly single parents will opt for a quiet life and not tackle their teen offspring on issues ranging from doing their homework to visiting dad.

Sir James is right that children and both parents should continue to enjoy meaningful relationships after a divorce, however confiscating mobile phones or grounding a teenager is not the answer to making that happen. There are many excellent organisations that offer sensible, free advice to both parents and teenagers, including:

• Relate, one of UK’s largest provider of relationship support has a useful section on its website for dealing with disruptive teenagers.

• Young Minds, the leading charity committed to helping improve the emotional wellbeing and mental health of children and young people. A specific section of their website addresses the concerns of divorcing parents.

• Family Lives, a charity with more than three decades of experience in helping parents deal with change. It has comprehensive resources relating to teenagers.

• Kids in the Middle, a relatively new organisation set up by children to help children.

Do you have any tips for helping teenagers cope with divorce? Please leave a comment below or tweet us on @helpwithdivorce. If you need advice on any aspect of separation or divorce please call us on 0113 246 0055, leave us a comment below or drop us an e-mail.

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Academic tests, grades and public examinations are great levellers and most young people take these rites of passage in their stride when support and understanding is provided.

When emotions are running high because mum and dad are in conflict – as sometimes happens in separation and divorce – the teenage voice can often be drowned. The recent example of the fractured relationship between Chris Huhne and his youngest son illustrates the impact on all parties when the hurt and anger a young adult felt towards his father was unleashed for public consumption.

A parental split is a life changing event for everyone concerned but it need not be an emotionally damaging one for teenagers and young adults. Family lawyers adopting a holistic approach will recognise when extra help and support would help a teenager to manage their feelings during a parental break up.

Putting the needs of children first can involve working collaboratively with counsellors, social workers and other family professionals to help the couple manage their differences in a non-confrontational way so that teens can maintain a positive relationship with both parents.

Appearances can be deceptive – teenagers may look like the young adults they are but they will feel powerless when everything they have ever known and trusted in their home life appears to be in flux.

Here are some tips to help your teenager through this difficult time.

• Keep a lid on your disagreements with each other – your teenager needs a loving relationship with both parents after a split so don’t invite them to take sides.
• Understand that your teenager may feel anger, hurt and guilt – children often believe they are the cause of a break up and may need extra reassurance.
• Give them the space, the time and a listening ear to express their feelings – some may find it easier to talk to extended family members, friends or professionals.
• Don’t make them your new best friend – they are and always will be your children, no matter how old they are.
• Keeping your divorce as amicable as possible provides a role model for your child and will help them adjust and manage the new situation.
• Don’t stop being a caring parent – your teenager needs to know that in all the emotional upheaval, they still matter to both mum and dad.

Do you have any other tips to help children during their exam times? Leave your comment below, tweet us @HelpWithDivorce or send us an e-mail.

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