For ex-spouses who are divorced or separated, planning a timetable to ensure their children’s break is memorable for all the right reasons can be even more challenging.

We have compiled six tips to keep stress to a minimum for you and your ex when the temperatures soar.

1. Plan ahead: work together when booking annual leave so that you can cover as much of the school holiday dates between you as possible – and each have quality time with children. Also, agree the costs of any childcare you might need to arrange.
2. Don’t argue: if you are struggling to come to an agreement, don’t involve your children – they don’t need to know that there are problems between you and your ex.
3. Seek help: see if grandparents or aunts and uncles can help to look after children. Contact with extended family is good for them, so work in partnership to achieve this.
4. Talk to your children: they need certainty and security so let them know as far in advance as possible how the summer will be spent. This will give them a chance to adjust to anything unexpected and hopefully present a scenario they can look forward to.
5. Be reasonable: don’t use child contact as a bargaining chip as this will endanger co-operation and could reduce the amount of practical help you have.
6. Treat yourself: while you will miss your children, make the most of any time you are apart; give yourself a treat or do something you couldn’t if they were there – and be sure not to neglect your health and wellbeing.

As a champion of non-confrontational family law, Jones Myers always encourages parents to co-operate and communicate on all arrangements for their children whose interests should always be put first. Doing so can be key to collaborative and harmonious relationships in the formative years ahead.

For more information about children’s issues or any aspect of family law call our team of experts at Jones Myers on 0113 246 0055 or tweet us on @helpwithdivorce

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In the countdown to schools breaking up, Jones Myers is witnessing heightened anxieties from divorced parents over their ex-partner taking their children on summer holidays.

In a climate where security and safety concerns are unprecedented, what is understandably an already a tense time for divorcees can be further exacerbated when their ex-partner flies off with their son or daughter.

Quite apart from missing the children and coping with their absence, these anxieties are sparking a ‘fear culture’ which is totally unrelated to worries that their offspring will be abducted or harmed.

Instead, it’s a feeling of helplessness at not being there in person to ensure they are in an appropriate country with suitable accommodation – and not knowing that they won’t visit places the parent left behind wouldn’t go to – especially when they will be thousands of miles away for a period of two or more weeks.

Much of the tension emanates from different parenting styles that can cause conflict in any partnership – i.e. one parent is too laid-back in the other’s eyes, while another is considered too tense and over anxious.

We recommend the following steps which take your ex-partner’s feelings into consideration and can go a long way to prevent bitter disagreements and arguments:

1. If you are taking the children away for longer than a month or during a period when your ex would normally have parental contact, you must obtain permission from your ex-partner. It would also be considerate to ask for consent for shorter trips that do not affect shared arrangements as this may encourage future co-operation.
2. As both parents usually hold legal Parental Responsibility, inform your former spouse of your travel plans and accommodation arrangements. This will comfort them and enable them to contact you in an emergency.
3. It is always a good idea for parents to plan holidays face-to-face if possible. This collaborative and non-confrontational approach that we always recommend enables practicalities and issues such as allergies to be sorted out, avoids diary clashes – and lets children schedule their social lives.
4. Reassure the parent who is left behind. Stay in touch to let them know how things are going and encourage your children (depending upon their age) to communicate regularly with them by text, email, Skype or FaceTime.
5. As in other areas of life, treating your ex-partner as you would like to be treated can pay dividends for your long-term relationship – especially if you are waiting for news while they are on holiday with your children.

If you have any comments, queries or concerns on children and divorce related issues, leave a comment below, call the team at Jones Myers on 0113 246 0055 or tweet us on @helpwithdivorce

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Penelope Leach’s assertion that young children’s brain development can be damaged by dividing their time between parents who have split up is nothing short of controversial.

The leading psychologist and family advice guru is advocating that children staying overnight once a week with their fathers is not healthy, whilst at the same time condemning the dividing of a child’s time equally between both parents, claiming it to be damaging.

Her latest book, Family Breakdown, argues that children under the age of four are most at risk and as a result of split living arrangements are suffering unhealthy attachment issues.

Comments such as these are not helpful for either mum or dad and will just add to the anxiety and guilt they are probably already feeling at having to put their children through the pain of a divorce.

What concerns me most though is Ms Leach is not offering a solution to the issues she is raising. Is she saying that children should only have a relationship with one parent – the one they are living with? If so, it is hardly surprising that New Father’s 4 Justice and Families Need Fathers are outraged by her comments. However, I am sure there will many mums who are equally dismayed with her views.

Her arguments also conflict with the ethos behind the Children and Families Act 2014 which advocates the involvement of both parents in a child’s life after separation providing it is safe for them to do so and in their best interests.

When the new Act came into force last April, Family Justice and Civil Liberties Minister Simon Hughes, declared: “We are making sure the welfare of children is at the heart of the family justice system.”

For most parents, their child’s wellbeing will be their main concern and they will do their best to minimise the upset caused by the breakdown of the family unit.

Some may argue that Ms Leach has a point as the Children and Family Court Advisory Service (CAFCASS) has revealed that children’s mental health is a factor in many of the cases they deal with in family courts, often as a result of parental acrimony.

But surely the answer is ensuring that both parents play an active role in their child’s life whether that be staying over one night a week with dad or alternating weeks to ensure as much as stability as reasonably possible.Inflatable Pool

Do you agree with Penelope Leach? Are there any alternative solutions?

If you have any concerns or questions about the impact of separation or divorce on children please call us on 0113 246 0055, leave us a comment below or drop us an e-mail. You can also follow us on Twitter: @helpwithdivorce.

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