In the countdown to schools breaking up for the summer, below are a series of frequently asked questions and answers to help guide you through the dos and don’ts of split holiday planning.

Do I need my ex partner’s permission before taking my children on holiday?

If you are planning on going away for longer than a month – or over a period when your ex-spouse would normally have contact with the children – then you will need to ask their permission.

If the holiday is shorter than a month, and will not interfere with the other parent’s usual shared arrangements and you have a child arrangements order in your favour stating that the child’s residence is with you, then you are not legally required to ask permission – although it is good practice to do so.

We also recommend that when travelling abroad with your children, you carry written permission from their other parent. Indeed, some countries will not allow a lone parent to enter with a child without the written agreement of the absent parent. Where there are complicating factors, such as your surname being different to your children, we also suggest that you carry a copy of their birth certificate and your marriage/divorce license.

If my ex consents to the holiday, what information about our break do I have to give?

In most cases both parents will have legal Parental Responsibility, and as such, each parent should inform the other regarding their holiday plans. This will include details about where you are staying and the holiday dates – as well as how they can contact you and the children in the case of an emergency.

Would it be a good idea for me and my ex to discuss holiday details face-to-face?

As champions of non-confrontational family law, we encourage that parents get together and plan timings for forthcoming trips.

Very often one parent will book holidays without any reference to their estranged partner. Reviewing diaries avoids surprise announcements and prevents situations where a child flies home with one parent to then embark on another holiday with the other parent on either the same day or the following day – without having time to catch up with friends, girl/boyfriends or extended families.

Another meeting before the holiday is also beneficial because it enables separated parents to re-engage and remind each other of vital details such as their child/children’s interests, likes and dislikes and food allergies.

These sessions reinforce the importance of making holidays – and the lead up to them – as exciting, inclusive and special as possible for their offspring.

We would also suggest that while on holiday, a parent encourages their child/children to send photographs, texts, and postcards – to the absent father or mother.

Such gestures are not only positive for the well-being of the siblings – they also convey mutual understanding that the parent at home will sorely miss their children and will value hearing from them.

What if my ex refuses permission?

You will need to make what is called a Specific Issues application to the court and tell them why you want to take the children away, who will be going with you, where you plan on staying – and what provisions you will make for contact between the children and their other parent.

What is a Specific Issues application?

As the name implies, it is a court order that deals with a singular specific issue. Either parent can make a Specific Issue application to the court on an issue that concerns parental responsibility, such as going abroad on holiday, particulars of the children’s upbringing, and what school the children will attend.

Are the courts likely to rule in my favour?

The court will always decide what is in the best interest of the child. A simple family holiday is unlikely to be refused. However, there are times when legitimate concerns are raised, such as if you are travelling abroad and have family in the country you are visiting, or if the country is not a member of the Hague Convention (the international legislation that includes laws concerning the abduction of children). If there is any doubt as to whether or not you will return to the UK, then the application will likely be refused.

If the other parent is refusing permission because they are worried you will not return with the children, it may be helpful to agree to provide the court with an Undertaking. The Undertaking can set out the fact that you promise the other parent and the court to bring the children back to the UK on a specific date and this may reassure the other parent of your intention to return. It is like a legal promise. Breaching an Undertaking is very serious and means you are in contempt of court, and liable to sanctions from the court – including a fine or even imprisonment.

If you would like further advice on taking your children abroad this summer, please call us on 0113 246 0055, leave us a comment below or drop us an e-mail. You can also follow us on Twitter at @helpwithdivorce

The post How to manage summer holidays post-divorce appeared first on Jones Myers.

Christmas is a time of high expectations for many people – not just children waiting the arrival of presents under the tree. For parents who don’t live together it can be a time of great angst.

On occasions like Christmas and New Year it takes time and effort to come up with plans that suit the complicated lives that people lead. Even if ex-partners can communicate well it is still difficult to include everyone and everything in festive plans. Early preparation is wise, as mentioned in last week’s blog – so I hope most families are prepared and that my tips are a little too late! 

How can we make Christmas more enjoyable, festive and fun for children in homes where parents are separated or divorced? 

• Children are likely to want to remain in one place for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.   This is a magical time of year for both parents and children. It’s also short lived in terms of the age of the child so each year is precious. The first year of being separated from your children at Christmas can be particularly hard. If you’re the parent without your children on Christmas Day it can help to break with tradition and do something different
• Adults are much more precious about the time spent with the children than the other way around. Children don’t normally worry about where they spend Christmas; they enjoy the excitement and magic of the day – and of course the presents!
• Share your children’s excitement in Christmas and try to remain upbeat for them.  It’s a great boost if they can ring their ‘absent’ parent. If you’re the parent receiving the call then put on a brave face and don’t show your disappointment about being apart from them
• Children benefit from keeping to their usual routines, although bedtimes are likely to be a little more relaxed over the holidays. However, it’s unfair if children have had little sleep and are too tired to enjoy their special time with their other parent.
• Often parents will want to split Christmas Day itself – believing this to be fair. However, this is rarely right for the child, as they will not want to leave their presents or leave the celebrations that they are part of. Rather than feeling hurt or frustrated parents and other family members need to embrace the day and make it a wonderful, memorable time for children.

Sylvia Ould is an independent social worker and expert in child focused mediation, working with families to help them sort out arrangements for their children.

Jones Myers would like to wish everyone a happy time this Christmas, with family or friends, wherever you are.

The post How separated parents can maintain the magic at Christmas appeared first on Jones Myers.

When parents divorce, children find themselves living in an environment which can sometimes be strained and the home of the grandparents becomes a safe haven, somewhere that offers consistency and a place where they can open up about their feelings.

The fun aspects of grand parenting will obviously still remain such as treating the children to ice-creams and letting them stay up late to watch their favourite Disney film, but being a grandparent after a divorce will initially be a little more complicated. Take a little time to think about the visits and plan the day to help distract grandchildren from their parents’ problems.

If you are finding yourself in this position this Christmas, here are some tips that might help:

1. Stay connected with your child and their former partner. It is understandable that you will be feeling disappointed and let down but distancing yourself from them at this family-focussed time of the year will cause problems further down the line.
2. Grandparents can play a key role in helping their grandchildren through a divorce. Try to focus on your relationship with them rather than the disintegrating relationship of their parents. Children need reassurance that the divorce is not their fault so the empathy and warmth from their grandparents will be critical.
3. If the parents can’t agree about who will have the children at Christmas, you could offer to host it yourselves, making it more of a neutral environment for the family. However, if emotions are running high, then it may be better to have separate celebrations initially. Think about whether the children would prefer to see everyone together or whether two celebrations are more appealing for them.
4. Consider the other grandparents and be diplomatic with them. You may disagree with how their child has behaved, but in the interests of maintaining stability for the grandchildren going forward, it will be helpful to maintain a relationship with them. Think about whether you will celebrate with them at Christmas; it might be beneficial to invite them round for a festive drink.
5. Make time for your grandchildren if they want to talk about the difficulties but above all avoid criticism of their parents.

What other tips do you have on how grandparents of newly-divorced people can make Christmas easier? Comment below, e-mail us, or send us a tweet @HelpWithDivorce.

The post How grandparents can bring festive cheer to divorce gloom appeared first on Jones Myers.

It is understandably a season for sentiment and can open up old wounds. Tragically, some parents use Christmas as an opportunity to prove a point or cause disruption with their former partner.  Those problems so often cascade down onto the children.

One key area where separated or divorced parents can fall out is who has the children over the festive period.  In the knowledge that Christmas Day has been on 25 December for as long as I can remember, why haven’t arrangements about where the children spend Christmas been sorted?  I am not surprised that judges do not welcome eleventh hour applications for contact at this time of year.

In the interest of stability in the family, I would urge parents to plan ahead, communicate clearly and effectively and ensure that their children know what is happening this Christmas.  It is too often the case that they become the casualties of their parents’ disputes and, instead of enjoying the festive season, they merely survive it.

How to maximise children’s festive fun:

1. Children need to feel that they are loved by each parent and that spending quality time with each of them over Christmas is both special and beneficial –  whether that’s a walk in the park, a meal together or a trip to the pantomime
2. Children don’t want arguments, they want to know what is happening and why. But be mindful to spare them the details of any disagreements,  they should not become therapists, messengers or spies for their parents
3. If things are strained with your ex-partner, deal with them like you would a business partner, taking away the emotion and remaining calm and measured.  Make sure that your business is raising happy, healthy youngsters and make this Christmas the best you possibly can.

What other tips do you have on how single or newly-divorced people can make Christmas easier? Comment below, e-mail us or tweet us @HelpWithDivorce.

The post Making children’s festive season memorable for the right reasons appeared first on Jones Myers.

Fiona is a collaborative family lawyer, with extensive knowledge of EU law and cross border cases involving Scottish and English law.

When a relationship falters, going on holiday together might be seen as a last ditch attempt to heal the rift. That may go some way to explain a noticeable upsurge in divorce proceedings during September – but the reality often tells a different story. More usually the couple go ahead with a pre-booked holiday despite the cracks in their relationship and take the first steps towards divorce on their return.

While it may not have been so for previous generations, global travel has become the norm for many people – with an increasing number choosing to live, work and marry in another country with relative ease. However, for couples who have a home abroad, divorce may be an altogether more complicated matter. Here are some frequently asked questions about this issue.

How dramatically does divorce legislation vary from country to country?

There can be huge differences for legal, political and cultural reasons. In Ireland, for example a couple have to have been separated for at least four years before they can file for divorce. In Malta divorce is now recognised but this has only come about recently due to a change in the law. In Scandinavia a quick, ’no fault’ divorce process is the norm.

If one spouse is identified as having habitual residence in a specific country, then he or she may issue divorce proceedings there. More often than not, the law of that country will then apply.

What are some of the differences between English and Scottish divorce law?

Although both within the UK, Scotland and England and Wales are different legal jurisdictions and approach financial matters on divorce very differently. In Scotland, for example, no wealth acquired by either party as a result of inheritance is taken into consideration when assessing what is to be divided. Any assets acquired before the marriage or after the separation are similarly excluded. This is in stark contrast to the position in England and Wales where everything is in the ‘pot’ and each party negotiates for their share. There tends to be a greater emphasis on a ‘clean break’ in Scotland which contrasts with England’s generous maintenance regime. In Scotland maintenance payments are generally only payable for a maximum of three years.

How does divorce law differ across Europe?  

There can be stark differences in approach, which can lead to “forum shopping” by spouses looking for the jurisdiction which will offer them the most financially advantageous divorce settlement.  Sometimes competing proceedings are raised in more than one member state.  EU rules dictate that, in general, the proceedings raised first will prevail. The law of the jurisdiction within which the proceedings are raised will usually then apply.

The European Union has tried to harmonise some of the rules – what has been achieved – and are there any further developments in the pipeline?

Fourteen of the 27 member states have agreed that couples should be able to choose which law should apply to their divorce, wherever the proceedings are raised in Europe.  This might mean that a French couple living in Slovenia will opt to apply French law in their Slovenian divorce proceedings because that is the law with which they have the closest connection. At the moment only Austria, Belgium, Bulgaria, France, Germany, Hungary, Italy Latvia, Luxembourg, Malta, Portugal, Romania, Slovenia and Spain are participating in this regime. The rest of Europe may be waiting to see how this plays out in practice before deciding whether to follow.  Whilst affording couples this kind of choice may be appealing, there are significant practical concerns. Can legal experts in one jurisdiction reasonably apply the law of another?  If foreign experts are to be flown in, what about the additional costs of translation and travel? All of this could create rather than reduce stress for the divorcing couple.

Does mediation and the collaborative family law process exist outside the UK?

Very much so, and is expanding as more and more countries are embracing the collaborative family law and mediation models, from the Czech Republic to the Netherlands. These forms of civilised dispute resolution avoid a lengthy, stressful and expensive court process. They may also afford couples much wider choice about how matters should be settled, notwithstanding that the UK has not bought in to the new EU regime.

For more information on cross border issues contact the team at Jones Myers on 0113 245 0055, comment below or drop us an e-mail.  You can also send us a tweet @helpwithdivorce.

The post When a holiday destination becomes home – how do you divorce? appeared first on Jones Myers.