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By Jones Myers Partner, Anthony Parrish

Organising school holidays can test even the most robust relationships as parents juggle work commitments with a myriad of children’s activities.

Busy schedules also have to be rejigged at short notice when the unexpected happens, such as children falling ill.

For divorced and separated parents, many of whom do not have a support network, the above can be even more challenging.

The looming Summer break, the longest in the school calendar, can bring even greater disruption to daily patterns.

The Importance of Communication, Cooperation and Compromise

In our extensive experience, effective organisation, communication and collaboration between estranged parents are vital both during and outside school terms to ensure children’s best interests always come first.

The formula below helps to ensure stability in a shared commitment to children’s wellbeing while avoiding the court route – for which there is limited public funding – to determine arrangements.

Involve Children in Plans

During all school holidays, children will want to spend as much time as possible with both parents and their wider family including grandparents, and friends.

It is the responsibility of both parents to try to achieve this and may result in one parent spending less time with their child(ren) during the break.

Children and young people need certainty and security so let them know as far in advance as possible how, and with who, their holiday will be spent. This gives them time to adjust to any new arrangements.

Keep Talking and Communicating

Set aside your differences to always put your children’s interests first. Aim to plan school holidays as much in advance as possible so you can organise logistics such as travel, playgroups and sporting activities.

Be Flexible

In cases where a court is involved, parents will be referred to a Planning Together for Children course which helps them to understand how to put their children first while undergoing separation.

The four-hour course helps parents learn the fundamental principles of how to manage conflict and difficulties. For more information, visit https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/parent-carer-or-family-member/my-family-involved-private-law-proceedings/help-planning-together-children

The Importance of Parenting Plans

Our dedicated, multi-award winning Children’s Department balances children’s and parents needs in wide-ranging issues.

Working closely with our clients, we devise the most suitable arrangements for children both now and in the formative years ahead.

We also highly recommend that separating parents have a Parenting Plan in place. This is a written plan which helps them to work out practical decisions in areas including communication, living arrangements, money, religion, education and emotional well-being.

Providing a valuable reference point, it helps everyone involved to know what is expected of them.

The actions and decisions of separating and divorced parents can play a formative role in ensuring their children’s emotional happiness and well-being though their journey to adulthood.

For divorce or family law related issues including children, call us at Leeds on 0113 246 0055, Harrogate on 01423 276104, or York on 01904 202550. Visit www.jonesmyers.co.uk, email info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet us @helpwithdivorce

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For ex-spouses who are divorced or separated, planning a timetable to ensure their children’s break is memorable for all the right reasons can be even more challenging.

We have compiled six tips to keep stress to a minimum for you and your ex when the temperatures soar.

1. Plan ahead: work together when booking annual leave so that you can cover as much of the school holiday dates between you as possible – and each have quality time with children. Also, agree the costs of any childcare you might need to arrange.
2. Don’t argue: if you are struggling to come to an agreement, don’t involve your children – they don’t need to know that there are problems between you and your ex.
3. Seek help: see if grandparents or aunts and uncles can help to look after children. Contact with extended family is good for them, so work in partnership to achieve this.
4. Talk to your children: they need certainty and security so let them know as far in advance as possible how the summer will be spent. This will give them a chance to adjust to anything unexpected and hopefully present a scenario they can look forward to.
5. Be reasonable: don’t use child contact as a bargaining chip as this will endanger co-operation and could reduce the amount of practical help you have.
6. Treat yourself: while you will miss your children, make the most of any time you are apart; give yourself a treat or do something you couldn’t if they were there – and be sure not to neglect your health and wellbeing.

As a champion of non-confrontational family law, Jones Myers always encourages parents to co-operate and communicate on all arrangements for their children whose interests should always be put first. Doing so can be key to collaborative and harmonious relationships in the formative years ahead.

For more information about children’s issues or any aspect of family law call our team of experts at Jones Myers on 0113 246 0055 or tweet us on @helpwithdivorce

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A divorce law firm exclusively for male clients – which unashamedly champions ‘aggressive representation’ and alludes to finances in divorce as a ‘treacherous affair’ – has attempted to catapult the modern day collaborative and problem-solving approach back into the dark ages.

Harnessing inflammatory language such as ‘battle,’ the practice also promotes ‘child custody’ (an antiquated term which has been replaced by child arrangement orders), among its services.

Since the launch of Resolution (of which I am a former National Chair) over three decades ago, our profession’s approach has evolved, achieving a non-confrontational approach to family problems.

Drawing on our extensive experience, I fear that such inappropriate and outdated methods could cause irreparable rifts, damage, and resentment in divorce and family issues at an uncertain and anxious time when emotions are running high.

Resolution’s code of practice encourages solutions which consider the needs of the whole family and always strives to put children’s interests first. It is wholly aligned with our ethos at Jones Myers where we help parents and couples to avoid a protracted, expensive and stressful court process through collaboration, mediation and arbitration.

The high-profile publicity afforded to the tactics of the practice in question contrasts with the mood of society – the majority of which supports the introduction of no-fault divorce which is designed to stop ‘aggression’ and ‘battles’ between couples.

Jones Myers has been at the forefront of Resolution’s sustained campaign to change current divorce law which demands that, unless couples have lived apart for two years, one partner has to take the blame. No fault divorces will make it easier for people to manage their separation and work together to avoid lengthy and stressful court disputes.

We know that striving for a perfect outcome in an imperfect situation such as divorce – is nigh-on impossible. However, strive we must and starting from a position of compromise where both parties acknowledge the wider family’s responsibilities and needs.

This spirit of compromise, which is particularly important in putting children’s best interests first, goes a long way to help those involved feel more in control over their future and benefit from improved levels of communication and planning.

Adopting an inflexible stance where hard-core financial gain, hostility and prolonged battles take priority over a process of collaboration and co-operation will inevitably lead to heartache, guilt and regret in years, if not decades, to come.

For more information about any aspect of family law call the team at Jones Myers on 0113 246 0055 or tweet us on @helpwithdivorce

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