Classrooms across the country are buzzing with the prospect of school holidays on the horizon – and who is going where this year.

The summer break, the longest in the school calendar, brings added challenges for separated and divorced parents – many of whom work full time and are without extensive support networks.     

Children will understandably want to spend as much time as possible with both parents along with their wider family and friends.

Here are some tips to ensure stability in a shared commitment to enable your children to have fun in the sun.

Plan Ahead   

Try to set aside your differences to always put your children’s interests first. Advance planning will avoid stress and confusion about arrangements for childcare, days out, and holidays at home and abroad.

Involve Children in Plans

Children and young people need certainty and security. Involve them as much as possible – and as far in advance as possible – in decision making to avoid any surprises. This helps them to adjust to new arrangements. Remember though that the decisions are yours. Whilst children need to feel heard, they do not want the responsibility for deciding the arrangements, especially where their parents may be in conflict.

Call on the Wider Family

Planning for a six-week break can be challenging. Call on your support network (if you have one) to help with shared responsibilities. This is also a positive opportunity for children to catch up with grandparents, step siblings and wider family members to re-establish existing bonds or forge new ones.

Taking Children Abroad

There are only two circumstances in which your ex can take your children abroad for up to a month without your permission. The first is if they have a Child Arrangements Order that verifies that a child “lives with” them, or if they secure a Court Order – called a Specific Issue Order – giving consent.

A Specific Issue Order is applied for if your ex does not have a Child Arrangements Order and thinks you are unreasonable in refusing permission. In these circumstances, the Court is asked to consider the facts of each case and decide whether the child should be allowed to travel. You can read more about the process here.

 Our dedicated Children Department is adept at dealing with all aspects of children law and balances the needs of children and their parents in wide-ranging issues. As collaborative family lawyers, we advise parents to reach a settlement, wherever possible, by avoiding protracted, expensive, and stressful court confrontations.  Mediation can be a really helpful way of reaching agreements quickly if you are unable to agree between you.

In our experience, a spirit of compromise, co-operation, and flexibility will help children make magical memories to reflect happily on in their formative years.

For queries on children and divorce related issues, call us at Leeds on 0113 246 0055, Harrogate on 01423 276104, or York on 01904 202550. Visit jm2023.jonesmyers.co.uk, email info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet us @helpwithdivorce

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For ex-spouses who are divorced or separated, planning a timetable to ensure their children’s break is memorable for all the right reasons can be even more challenging.

We have compiled six tips to keep stress to a minimum for you and your ex when the temperatures soar.

1. Plan ahead: work together when booking annual leave so that you can cover as much of the school holiday dates between you as possible – and each have quality time with children. Also, agree the costs of any childcare you might need to arrange.
2. Don’t argue: if you are struggling to come to an agreement, don’t involve your children – they don’t need to know that there are problems between you and your ex.
3. Seek help: see if grandparents or aunts and uncles can help to look after children. Contact with extended family is good for them, so work in partnership to achieve this.
4. Talk to your children: they need certainty and security so let them know as far in advance as possible how the summer will be spent. This will give them a chance to adjust to anything unexpected and hopefully present a scenario they can look forward to.
5. Be reasonable: don’t use child contact as a bargaining chip as this will endanger co-operation and could reduce the amount of practical help you have.
6. Treat yourself: while you will miss your children, make the most of any time you are apart; give yourself a treat or do something you couldn’t if they were there – and be sure not to neglect your health and wellbeing.

As a champion of non-confrontational family law, Jones Myers always encourages parents to co-operate and communicate on all arrangements for their children whose interests should always be put first. Doing so can be key to collaborative and harmonious relationships in the formative years ahead.

For more information about children’s issues or any aspect of family law call our team of experts at Jones Myers on 0113 246 0055 or tweet us on @helpwithdivorce

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For many relationships under strain, the summer holidays are one of the key calendar events when spouses and partners realise it’s ‘make or break’ time.

Being forced to spend more time together than usual can further exacerbate existing tensions which often leave warring couples with the decision either to talk things through and make a go of it – or go their separate ways.

If it is the latter, how do you explain this to your children?  

Many adults can still vividly recall the moment when their parents dropped the bombshell that mum and dad were splitting up, as their most devastating childhood experiences. This is reflected in a recent blog when Hollywood actor, Tom Hanks, revealed that his parents’ divorce had had a lifelong effect on him – and still haunts him to this day.

How you handle such as sensitive and stressful situation at the outset can determine how well children cope with this overwhelming news – and prevent the painful experience from scarring them for life.

Here are seven steps to help your children cope and help to prevent the memory becoming a permanent chip on their shoulder:

1. Tell the children what’s happening together, without blaming each other and stress that both of you still love them. Plan the time and location extremely carefully and ensure that you will all be together afterwards for questions and reassurance.
2. Remember that when you separate, you both continue to be parents, so make sure that unravelling your relationship doesn’t stop you co-operating on what is best for your children. Children need security and certainty, so communicate regularly with them – and with each other – to plan ahead.
3. Even when the break up is at its most challenging, never criticise your ex in front of them – they don’t want to hear it. Also, avoid asking them to take sides – because they definitely don’t want to do that either.
4. Devise the most suitable living arrangements. Negotiation is vital, as agreements reached together are more likely to work in the long term and be respected by the wider family. One arrangement which is becoming more common in the UK is bird’s nest custody which sees children stay in the family home, while their parents move in and out on an agreed schedule to look after them.
5. If you can’t agree on the arrangements, you can ask the court to decide the matter. However, before considering court, we advise that mediation be your first port of call. It is a far better option to have the assistance and support of a skilled mediator than the delay, costs and trauma of going to court.
   Always be flexible. Accept that children will want to see as much of both parents, grandparents, wider family and their friends as possible. Both parents should try to bring this about – even if it means one of you occasionally spends less time with your children.
6. Whatever the situation, always put your children’s interest first – from the moment you break the devastating news to them – and throughout their journey and transition into teenagers and adults.

Collaborative lawyers like Jones Myers can refer you to counsellors, therapists and other family workers for extra support to help your children manage their feelings and cope with their parents’ split.

See our website for more details on children, contact and residence disputes. If you have any comments, queries or concerns on issues relating to children, leave a comment below, call the team at Jones Myers on 0113 246 0055 or tweet us on @helpwithdivorce.

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In the countdown to schools breaking up, Jones Myers is witnessing heightened anxieties from divorced parents over their ex-partner taking their children on summer holidays.

In a climate where security and safety concerns are unprecedented, what is understandably an already a tense time for divorcees can be further exacerbated when their ex-partner flies off with their son or daughter.

Quite apart from missing the children and coping with their absence, these anxieties are sparking a ‘fear culture’ which is totally unrelated to worries that their offspring will be abducted or harmed.

Instead, it’s a feeling of helplessness at not being there in person to ensure they are in an appropriate country with suitable accommodation – and not knowing that they won’t visit places the parent left behind wouldn’t go to – especially when they will be thousands of miles away for a period of two or more weeks.

Much of the tension emanates from different parenting styles that can cause conflict in any partnership – i.e. one parent is too laid-back in the other’s eyes, while another is considered too tense and over anxious.

We recommend the following steps which take your ex-partner’s feelings into consideration and can go a long way to prevent bitter disagreements and arguments:

1. If you are taking the children away for longer than a month or during a period when your ex would normally have parental contact, you must obtain permission from your ex-partner. It would also be considerate to ask for consent for shorter trips that do not affect shared arrangements as this may encourage future co-operation.
2. As both parents usually hold legal Parental Responsibility, inform your former spouse of your travel plans and accommodation arrangements. This will comfort them and enable them to contact you in an emergency.
3. It is always a good idea for parents to plan holidays face-to-face if possible. This collaborative and non-confrontational approach that we always recommend enables practicalities and issues such as allergies to be sorted out, avoids diary clashes – and lets children schedule their social lives.
4. Reassure the parent who is left behind. Stay in touch to let them know how things are going and encourage your children (depending upon their age) to communicate regularly with them by text, email, Skype or FaceTime.
5. As in other areas of life, treating your ex-partner as you would like to be treated can pay dividends for your long-term relationship – especially if you are waiting for news while they are on holiday with your children.

If you have any comments, queries or concerns on children and divorce related issues, leave a comment below, call the team at Jones Myers on 0113 246 0055 or tweet us on @helpwithdivorce

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