Different perspectives : Why September sparks a surge in silver divorce

By Nicki Mitchell – Family Lawyer, Family Law Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer

The approach of Freshers’ Week at universities throughout the UK can set off wide-ranging emotions – and thoughts of divorce.   

While students are apprehensive and excited about leaving the family home, many parents who are experiencing a profound sense of loss start to question their relationship – and their future.   

Divorce figures overall are declining  but those among the over 50’s continue to rocket. The reasons vary from couple to couple. Some  couples know their relationship is over but stay together until the children have flown the nest. Others reconnect with old flames and many realise when the children are gone that their relationship has run its course and they want more from life. I share some insights below:  

Is Your Marriage Worth Saving?

Until you start living without the person you have shared over half your life with, you cannot know how much you will miss them. 

Before rushing to make seismic life changes you may later regret, communicate honestly and openly with your spouse and establish if you still want the same life goals.

A marriage in a rut can be worth salvaging and, If you are both on the same page, consider working with third parties like counsellors to get it back on track.  

Consider The Consequences Of Divorce

New living arrangements –divorce means finding a way to make the finances which have supported one household work for two.  It can often mean downsizing from a large house and garden, taking on a new or higher mortgage and possibly paying or being dependent on maintenance.

The Cost of Divorce canbe substantially higher for mature couples, many of whom have more assets, complicated savings, and property portfolios – often abroad. 

Specialist pensions advice will be needed to ensure a fair division of retirement income, including pension lump sums  Older couples often have financial plans for this stage in their life but have to rethink those plans when they separate.  Good financial advice is key to ensuring those assets are restructured fairly and how the children’s university costs will be funded .   

The Impact On Your Children -How will your children, and grandchildren, react – and how will divorce impact on how often you see them? Older children may better understand the reasons but can be more likely to take sides.

The loyalties of friends and wider family may be split, substantially reducing your support network. Also consider how the emotional cost of the break up will affect you.

When Staying Together Is Not An Option  

If there is no way forward, consider non-confrontational options to divorce, which avoid a lengthy, costly, and stressful court route, and put children’s best interests first.

Mediation –a means of resolving family disputes constructively, enabling you to keep  control over decisions which will affect the future of you and your family.

This private and confidential process takes place in an impartial environment and involves a mediator like me, an independent third party who helps you and your ex to reach an agreement over key areas. Many mediators, like myself, are lawyers and can provide extremely useful information about the law to inform your decisions.

Collaborative Family Law – you and your ex each appoint your own collaboratively trained lawyer. In a series of confidential meetings, you all work together to identify, address and resolve financial, parenting and other key issues.

Collaborative family lawyers  provide support and legal advice throughout the sessions. Accountants, independent financial advisers, pensions advisers and/or childcare specialists can also attend and provide guidance on a neutral basis.   

If court is the only way forward, I recommend securing the best possible legal advice from highly experienced family law professionals like Jones Myers. Our bespoke, innovative and problem-solving approach ensures we always seek the best solution for your individual situation.   

For queries on divorce/family law, call 0113 246 0055 (Leeds) 01423 276104 (Harrogate), 202550 (York). Visit www.jonesmyers.co.uk, email info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet @helpwithdivorce

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Image by Skullman at Pixabay