I’m divorcing a narcissist – what do I need to know?
By Sarah Barr-Young, Head of Jones Myers Financial Remedies Department in Harrogate
The decision to divorce is among the most difficult and distressing decisions for anyone to take. It presents numerous emotional, financial and practical challenges, even where both agree the relationship is over.
Severing ties with a narcissist – especially if you are the one instigating the break up – can present even greater obstacles and complications. In this article I share insights into behaviours of narcissists, and how to find the right family lawyer to help you come through it.
What are the traits of a narcissist?
The origins of the term narcissism date back to Greek mythology when Narcissus, a handsome and self-absorbed young man, fell in love with his reflection in a pool of water.
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition which is included in the broader category of personalitydisorders and wide-ranging studies reveal around 70 percent of narcissists are male.
The following are some common traits of narcissism, which experts say originate from a combination of genetic, developmental and environment factors:
- Inflated ego/sense of self importance
- Craving for constant attention and admiration
- Lack of feelings and empathy for others (including nearest and dearest)
- Highly controlling/competitive nature and desire to dominate
- Fragile self-esteem
How do narcissists react to divorce?
In general, narcissists do not marry for love, respect and affection, they tie the knot for stability and to boost their standing and dominance. If a divorce is initiated by their spouse, and not on their terms, it can prompt extreme reactions, reigniting their worst fears of self-abandonment and isolation.
In what ways do they make separation difficult?
Due to their overwhelming need to manipulate people and circumstances, narcissists are known to employ tactics to try to control every aspect of the divorce.
This can include racking up unnecessary legal costs for their spouse and prolonging and hampering financial disclosure which legally obliges both parties to provide open and honest details of their financial circumstances. Such machinations then delay the financial settlement which brings legal closure to the financial aspects of divorce.
These combative ploys to thwart the instigating party at every turn are deliberately intended to wear down their ex- spouse and derail the divorce process.
How does divorce affect the children of narcissists?
Narcissists’ obsession to ‘win at any cost’ can see them trying to use their children as pawns and deprive them of time with the other parent – even when it is not in the children’s best interests.
How do I secure the best legal advice to guide me through this maze?
By working with family specialists like me who are highly experienced in dealing with high conflict individuals and have successfully steered clients through impediments which they initially thought to be insurmountable.
At Jones Myers our experts can advise you of your options, help to prevent costs from spiralling out of control and guide you through the complexities. We do this by deploying strategies to secure you the best solutions regarding financial settlements and fair child arrangements so you can embrace the next chapter of your life.
For queries on divorce, separation or any aspect of family law, call 0113 246 0055 (Leeds) 01423 276104 (Harrogate), 01904 202550 (York). Visit www.jonesmyers.co.uk, info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet @helpwithdivorce.
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Image courtesy of noname_13, Pixabay