September 12, 2016

How to achieve a ‘good’ marriage AND a ‘good’divorce

A good marriage and a “‘good” divorce might sound like extreme opposites – however both can hinge on critical common factors which can pave the way for a civilised split.

Here are five areas that coincide in a good marriage and a “good” divorce.

1 Put your children first

The needs and sensitivities of children should be at the heart of a good marriage and the focus of a break up. Avoid arguing or criticising each other in front of them and reassure them that they are loved by both parents. Most importantly, if you are separating, reassure your children over and over again that it is not their fault.

2 Communicate effectively

Communicating openly, honestly and frequently are the foundations of a strong marriage where couples make time to catch up after a long working day or week and take a genuine interest in each other’s career or personal developments. It is equally vital for estranged spouses to maintain an effective dialogue, understand how the other might be feeling in the light of separation, and, when children are involved, work out a parenting plan which improves the chances of resolving problems together, reducing conflict and boosting trust.

  1. Be a good listener

At any stage of any relationship, if both people make the effort to pay attention to what their partner has to say and understand their concerns, they will undoubtedly boost their relationship. Listening to each other is as equally important in a good marriage as in a “good” divorce and can enhance cooperation, solutions and empathy. Concentrate on the content rather than on the style of delivery!

  1. Remain civilised and dignified

Venting frustrations through barbed and hurtful comments and point scoring exacerbates any situation – whether couples are in the throes of wedded bliss or receiving their decree absolute. It is always advisable to seek out non-confrontational and less stressful routes such as physical exercise and other hobbies to alleviate tensions.

5. Seek professional help

Many marriages benefit from legal and financial advice at different stages – as well as relationship counselling. It is also important to enlist professional guidance and support as early as possible in a divorce and a relationship coach may be able to establish if a split can be avoided. A trusted independent trusted third party can often help you resolve issues, whether in the good marriage or the “good” divorce.

Choose a family lawyer who is a member of Resolution. The organisation’s 6,500 members include lawyers and other professionals who are committed to a constructive and non-confrontational approach to dealing with divorce and family matters.Even if issues are particularly complex and require a judge or an arbitrator to make a decision, a lawyer who follows Resolution’s code of practice will avoid an unnecessarily aggressive approach.

If you have any comments, queries or concerns on any divorce related issue, leave a comment below, call the Jones Myers team on 0113 246 0055 or tweet us on @helpwithdivorce.