October 21, 2016

What if?… How to prevent long-lasting divorce regrets

In our vast experience many divorcees bitterly regret splitting from their partner and wish they had taken more time to think things through before making one of the most momentous and traumatic decisions of their lives.

Anger and a desire for revenge are outweighed by common misgivings of sadness and a fear for the future – and there is often a feeling that “Once the train has departed there is nothing that can be done to slow it down or bring it to a halt”.

Many clients who approach us about divorce regret “not seeing it coming” and reveal they have missed signs such as less meaningful conversation, fewer shared interests, less time spent together and more time spent at work along with reduced intimacy and ‘growing apart.’

Our ethos at Jones Myers is to always give our clients space to consider the ramifications of their divorce and, depending upon their situation, encourage them to think about the impact of a split on their children, their spouse – and their health.

Think carefully about why you want a divorce

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Is your decision based on emotional or logic?
  • Do you still love your partner?
  • What are the downsides of divorce? – Especially for any children whose interests should always be put first. (We’ve previously written about the long-term distress that divorce can have on children).

Speak with a trusted third party

Have a frank conversation with a close relative or a friend before rushing to set the divorce wheels in motion. This enables you to step back and get some perspective on the situation

Can you save your marriage? 

A marriage that has got into a rut, or where one party wrongly believes their spouse has gone off them or is having an affair, can be put back on track by having a heart-to–heart with your partner and rekindling common interests. Many people who regret being divorced miss the companionship and intimacy they shared with their partners.

Where someone has been unfaithful or people truly are sick of the sight of each other, the situation may be harder to repair. Nevertheless, if you both agree there is hope, work with third parties to help retrieve the marriage. This could involve the support and guidance of a counsellor, friends or family.

What are the financial consequences?

Think about the financial fall out of a divorce. Where will you live, how will your domestic arrangements work for your children – will your financial situation change dramatically?

Details of all healthcare, insurance, death and any other benefits that may be lost by virtue of the divorce should also be collated and understood before the divorce is completed, as they might have to be factored into any settlement or replaced. An Independent Financial Adviser may be enlisted to explain and advise on these issues.

Signing your divorce papers constitutes a monumental, life-changing decision – so don’t be impulsive; do ensure you are 100 percent certain that divorce is the way forward to avoid years of looking backwards with deep-rooted regrets.

To discuss the consequences and options available to you, the advice and assistance of a good firm of good family lawyers is essential. You can contact the Jones Myers team on 0113 246 0055.

If you have any comments, queries or concerns on wider divorce related issues, leave a comment below or tweet us on @helpwithdivorce.